Common Ground
by Sugar-Hype-Queen
Summary: We blur the lines between enemies and rivals, friends and lovers. HoroRen


** I needed to write, and my muse conveniently pulled this from out from under her scraggly nest. It's written in Ren's point of view, by the way. I'm not generally big on lengthy monologues, and I really should be updating, but what can say? I'm fond of one shots, perhaps overly so. Enjoy. Or don't. Your choice, I'm afraid.  
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common ground

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You were so stupid- still are, really. 

You were stupid and vulgar and magnetic and everything I wasn't and never could be, you were something I knew I'd never understand and it made me sick. Because I wanted to understand. Because I couldn't look away, couldn't help but be fascinated, and it scared the hell out of me.

I didn't want to have anything to do with you. But you're not one to be ignored, and you wouldn't let me. Believe me, I tried, I tried- but you wouldn't take that, and I couldn't make you.

I hated that.

So we did the rival thing.

We fought, we yelled. We made fools of each other time and time again. And I saw you in a way no one else did, heard you in a way no one else ever would. That part of you was _mine_, and after a while I realized that I liked that maybe more than I should.

But I've got a practiced hand at denial, and adding one more lie to the legion wasn't very hard. Because I hated you, right?

Sometimes common ground would kind of ruin that. For example. Your excuse was a love of nature, but misanthropy by any other name will always be just that. True, I may have harbored a hatred for humanity for reasons a bit more personal, but it was all the same.

At least my attitude reflected that- you, on the other hand, could hug a complete stranger with a smile on your stupid face. Why? How?

I didn't know- you confused me. And that pissed me off. So I yelled and you yelled and we fought, and I had that part of you again that was all mine, and I _liked_ it and that made me angrier and it went on like that… It didn't feel like enough, though, never did.  
But I didn't care.

I didn't want it to stop... but for some reason, you did.

You said you wanted to be my friend, someone that would be there for me, someone I could trust.

I didn't want that.

You were _friends _with Yoh, you were _friends _with a lot of people. They all had you as a friend. I had you all to myself as a rival, if not an enemy. I'd claimed that part of you, no one else could ever know it. I would make sure of that.

They could never know the sight of you shaking with so much anger that words failed you. They could never know how good it felt to see the expressions on your face, when we argued just for the sake of it, see them change in direct response to the words I said. They could never know the feeling of fighting you like I did, when I was the only thing in the universe that seemed to exist to you- only my body and yours, pain and contact and the sound of blood pounding in ears, pushing and pulling with all of ourselves in a struggle neither of us would ever win.

I wanted that all to myself- I didn't want what everyone else could have.

But you're selfish, too.

You wanted me as what I refused to be to anyone else, more than a teammate, an obligatory acquaintance or reluctant ally. You wanted more than that. You wanted me as I truly was, not what I wanted to be or pretended to be, smothered in being a Tao and all the denial and hatred and pain that comes with it… you wanted me to be human.

I think that's what got me.

It sounded so easy- be human. Just let go and be who you are, I'm right here with you. You made it sound so easy, you made me forget for a moment the expectations of perfection and superiority that'd been shoved down my throat since I was little and cut into my back for the world to see until the day I die.

You made it sound simple, but it was hard. It was so hard. I refused to, because it didn't matter if I wanted to, I couldn't. I couldn't.  
I couldn't face myself, I couldn't understand myself, I already hated myself more often than not! How was 'letting go' supposed to make it better? How was that supposed to do anything but make it worse?

'Welcome to the human race,' you said. 'Scary shit, I know, but didn't I say I'd be right there with you?'

That shouldn't have made it easier. That should have made it worse. But the look on your face when you said it… you understood. I could tell without a doubt that somehow you understood, you got it. That confused me so much that it pissed me off- after all, what did _you _know? How could you _possibly _understand? I didn't know what to do.

So I kept you as my rival, because I wasn't lifting my claim on that- you didn't try to stop me.

You did something else- you gave me more. You didn't care if I wanted it or not, you gave me your friendship. I tried to ignore it, but again, you're not one to be ignored. And I liked it. I liked that you would talk to me, that you'd be around me and look at me and refuse to accept the fronts I put up, to myself and to the world. You refused to accept me as anything else than what I was- and looking back, I think I needed that.

It got to the point to the point where I couldn't help acknowledging it. I might've snorted and sneered at your stories, called you stupid- but I acknowledged you, what you were, to me. More than a rival, whether I liked it or not.

And I did like it, though I never admitted it. But I was still selfish, I still wanted you as a rival. Almost…needed, that part of you. Because I realized I could understand that part, in a way. But mostly because it was _mine_, and I- I needed it, even if it was only ever just that.

But you kept giving me more of yourself. I took it all. You as a rival, you as a friend, and eventually as something else, something more. I never said I liked you, never even said I was your friend, but you knew I trusted you. You knew what you meant to me, what you were becoming. You're so stupid, but you figured out I wanted at least a part of you to be all mine. Only mine. Just mine.

You'd finally figured it out, so you gave me that, and I took it. You were still you- stupid and vulgar and magnetic. You still confused me, and I still hated that, and it still pissed me off, but suddenly it didn't mean I had to fight you. I could ask you, I could talk to you, and you would hear me and listen to me. I'd never had that. It was addictive.

In accepting these claims to you, naturally I was giving you parts of myself as well.

No one but you. No one but you would ever hear all of my thoughts, would know what I felt, would see me with my guard down. No one but you had a right to my trust. No one but you would ever know me- just me, as I truly am.

Because that's what you wanted, and that's what I wanted.

Because we needed it.

Because you're mine, you belong to me- mind, body, soul, and everything else.

Because I'm not stupid, so I knew you loved me.

Because I loved you too…

Even if you're stupid.

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**Find it in your fangirl/fanboy heart to review, pretty please? **

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